In all of my years, I must admit that I have never fangirled as hard as I have with the loveteam James Reid and Nadine Lustre. I find myself drawn to their charisma and their talent, as well as their strengths as individuals, young as they are, as they navigate through fame in this age of social media, where each person feels the need to state an opinion.

While I do not know James and Nadine personally, I do feel like I do have a gasp of who they are from the words of people around them and from the amount of magazine articles, shows and behind the scenes clips that I’ve seen of them, even before they became official. I love them, and even though I am addicted to finding out every little thing about them, I understand that no matter how much trivia I know about them, this does not give me the authority to dictate what they should and shouldn’t do. They are their own persons, at the end of the day. Period. No Erase.

Here’s what I don’t get. I don’t get why people find the need to analyze every little action, each post and every word that these two make. And frankly, it breaks my heart to see their social media accounts where their carefully curated posts are sabotaged by foul words from fans and bashers alike who are displeased over their actions.

Most recently, James has been on the receiving end of the bashing after a girl-friend posted a Snapchat video of their squad hanging in a car after they spent a night out to party. Some fans  (the very same ones who were exalting James Reid for publicly declaring his love for his on screen partner and real life girlfriend in front of thousands of people , and publicly defending her for an offensive article) felt like they had the right to judge James as a cheat and reverting to his party boy ways just because of the less than 10 second video which was basically an innocent roll call of their squad. It broke my heart the day after when his friends felt the need  to tweet that James was playing video games with them and hanging out, and that they had Nadine with them. SMH.

For one, I don’t think think its healthy for them to feel like they have to include Nadine every single time because apparently, Nadine understands that James needs to spend time with his friends. She is mature enough to understand that they have lives separate from each other even though they are already a couple. Actually, my biggest worry about this overanalysis of their private lives is it would cause a tension among James, Nadine and their friends which shouldn’t really be an issue in the first place.

Here’s the thing. Fans need to know their boundaries. Sure, we may love them and ship them and want them to end up together happily forever but at the end of the day, we are still just bystanders to their relationship. They are level minded adults with good heads on their shoulders to know how to handle their budding romance ON THEIR OWN.

Fans need to know that they do not own their idols. No matter how much trivia you know about them, no matter how much you think you know them and want things to happen for them, they are not obligated to cater to whatever things fans want to see from them outside of work.

Fans should lose their sense of entitlement. You may patronize your idols’ merchandise, posters, tickets, magazines, concerts and everything else that has their brand on them, but at the end of the day, the money that you spent on these items were your choice. This does not guarantee that you can have a say over their personal lives because that is beyond what you paid for. They have delivered on their obligations as actors and celebrities but crossing beyond that is already too much.

Fans need to understand that their idols are human.While they may live their life in the limelight, they too are prone to making mistakes and fans should not put every action under a microscope just to have something to talk about on social media. They should understand that their idols have a life outside of their profession. They too get tired. They too, have bad days. While they try to accommodate each request for a fan sign or a photo op, there may be times that they are too tired to do so. There may be times that their schedules would not allow them to do so and this does not make them monsters if they fail on these perceived “obligations.”

Fans should understand the value of respect. Not because social media is an available medium to express opinions means that anyone could bash to their heart’s content about what they think their idols are doing wrong. Even if they say they are concerned about the welfare of their idol’s relationship, not every opinion is helpful. The manner in which these opinions are delivered are also sometimes below the belt and posted on celebrities’ social media site which is disrespectful and distasteful. Their social media sites are their property and even if it is made public does not give fans and bashers alike leave to curse, judge and make up stories or have a fan war on the comments section. That is just plain wrong.

Basically, the secret to becoming a happy fangirl is understanding and embracing your idols as they are. Do not put them on a pedestal and abandon them at the first hint of trouble (or even imaginary signs of one). Don’t stress yourself out with overanalyzing each BTS photo, looking for signs of problems when there are none. Instead, remember why you are supporting them in the first place. Appreciate the hard work that they do, their lack of sleep, their lack of privacy just to make sure that their next concert, album, teleserye or project is worth your expectations. It may be hard but keep your over-zealousness in check. Sure, there may be times when you get too excited, too happy or sad that you feel the need to share but remember your limits. You should always be guided by basic human decency. Having an opinion doesn’t always mean that you’re right. Don’t go below the belt. Just, don’t go there.